It is often very frustrating and even distressing to live or work with a narcissistic person. When living with a self-absorbed significant other, it’s not uncommon to ask, “When will it ever be about me?” This is because you have come to the bitter realization that you will never be a priority in their life.
Coming to terms with a self-absorbed partner can be difficult. But what keeps people stuck to their narcissistic significant other? It is the hope that one day the person may change. But this almost always never happens. Narcissists do not seem to possess the realization of their need for connection, love, and belonging. There are many types of narcissism. These range from mild narcissistic personality traits to full-blown disorders. In this post, we’ll examine the entire range of narcissistic personality disorders. Hopefully, we will help you determine whether the person in your life can be classified as a narcissist or not.
The Journey Towards Narcissism Relationship Pattern
There is a helpful way to think about narcissism. (see picture below). A person who is self-loathing or self-hating would be at the end of the continuum. They are extremely self-critical, and when they are complimented, they will lash out at you.
In the middle of the continuum, you find healthy self-love. This type of personality trait can be described as the opposite of narcissism. People with healthy self-love values, take care of themselves and can stand up for themselves. When a person embraces a healthy sense of self-love, he or she will be able to love others. This is because they are confident in themselves and therefore will not fear rejection or hurt. The pathologist Jonas Salk, the first person to discover the polio vaccine, is one of the people who epitomizes the concept of healthy self-love and is likely to act in an altruistic manner.
A person who exhibits healthy self-love is also known as a “self-actualized person,”. On the other end of this spectrum is narcissism. This is someone who is entirely focused on themselves and their own goals to the exclusion of anything else.
Because they are caught up in their reflection and image, they are not able to see or hear what other people need. As a result, they cannot truly love others and will only love themselves.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
In general, a narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by grandiose attitudes and behaviors. It is a tendency to be acutely self-aware, in addition to lacking empathy for others. Narcissists think of themselves as being exceptionally unique and special.
In addition to exaggerating their accomplishments and self-aggrandizing, a narcissist is often boastful and pretentious to others. In addition to being envious of others, people with this condition will begrudgingly belittle others and downplay their successes. NPD sufferers are often impatient with others because they lack empathy, especially when faced with their problems or limitations.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, a person with narcissistic personality disorder must exhibit at least five of the following symptoms:
- Having a grandiose sense of self-importance (exaggerating achievements)
- Having a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, and so on.
- Believing that they are special or unique and therefore can only be understood by other special, unique, or high-status people
- Having an excessive need for admiration
- Having a sense of entitlement
- Exploiting others for personal gain or benefit
- Lacking the ability to empathize with others
- Envying others and believing that others are envious of them
- Being very arrogant and haughty
The Devastating Effects of Narcissism on Mental Health & Interpersonal Relationships
Narcissism has been linked to several serious mental health issues. It can have disastrous effects on a person’s mental health and their relationships with other people. Because narcissists often find it hard to connect with other people in a meaningful way, they use and manipulate others in their relationships. Research that shows victims of narcissistic behavior are more likely to have mood and anxiety disorders. These include:
- Major depression
- Panic disorder
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder
- Social anxiety
- Generalized anxiety disorder
- Eating disorders.
These disorders often lead to other problems, like using drugs or alcohol too much or not feeling good about yourself. Also, these people are most likely to try to kill themselves.
How to Heal from a Narcissistic Relationship Pattern
Although not all people with narcissistic personality disorder display abusive behavior in intimate relationships, being in a relationship with someone who struggles with the illness can create a poisonous atmosphere. It might be difficult to move on from an abusive relationship with someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder. However difficult it may seem, recovering from narcissistic abuse is possible.
It’s natural to second-guess yourself and wonder what you could have done better. You may find yourself reliving past events to determine how you might have approached them differently. To make matters even more complicated, you may find yourself longing to restart the connection.
Narcissistic relationships can be dangerous because of the euphoric high they provide. Breaking the cycle can be challenging. You may be embarrassed that you were even there and feel terrible for staying. It’s possible, however, that you’ll have trouble releasing your ties with the ex.
These are all normal reactions after ending a relationship characterized by narcissistic abuse, but it’s crucial to remember that the relationship was not your fault. That it wasn’t good for you is something else to keep in mind. You can heal and move on to more fulfilling, healthier relationships by recalling these events and bringing to light how your father, mother, or spouse with narcissistic behavior abused you.
Read on to find out what it takes to recover from narcissistic abuse and to get some advice from professionals on how to get there.
Acknowledging the Abuse
Accepting that what you went through was emotional abuse begins with this realization. That’s good news because it means you can start to release any guilt or shame you’ve been feeling. Naturally, you would initially want to avoid admitting the existence of the relationship, as denial is a defense mechanism. However, for you to fully heal, you must face reality.
It’s important to remember that NPD can have repercussions outside of the romantic sphere as well. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can affect any connection, whether it’s with a family member (a “narcissistic father” or “narcissistic mother”), a close friend, or a significant other. The first thing you need to do is accept that you were in this relationship and that you were subjected to narcissistic gaslighting.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries
When ending an abusive relationship, it is advised that both parties establish clear boundaries and stop communicating with each other. Remember that the “no touching” rule applies equally both ways. The initial steps toward establishing and maintaining that boundary may be challenging for you. You may be tempted to want to relive the “good old days” of a narcissistic relationship because of the promises of improvement and the high points you experienced together. Setting boundaries can aid in avoiding a relapse.
If it’s not possible to completely cut off contact (because of, say, children or a very close narcissistic family member), then it’s crucial to establish clear boundaries regarding the types of behavior you will and will not tolerate from this person. Don’t only tell them where the line is; tell them what will happen if they don’t stay away from it. During the event, you may say something like, “I’ll see you, but if you can’t respect my requests [remind them of the boundaries you set], I’ll leave.”
Set Specific Rules
Whether it’s with parents, friends, or in a romantic relationship, it’s crucial to be clear and detailed when establishing limits. This is especially critical when dealing with a narcissist. One way to do this is to request that they respect your privacy by not disclosing any information about you to third parties. You may, for example, provide them with a special email address to use for all of their correspondence with you. The extent of these limits is entirely up to you.
Seek Professional Help
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that helps people recover from narcissistic abuse. With the help of a therapist, you can start to:
- Find out why you put up with abuse.
- Learn how to deal with stress so you can handle abusive relationships.
- Don’t give in to the urge to stay in touch with an abusive person.
- Tell people in your life the truth about the abuse you’ve gone through.
- Check to see if there are signs of anxiety, depression, or another mental health problem.
Anastasia Stewart, born in Seattle, Washington, is a renowned relationship expert and counselor, acclaimed for her transformative approach to couple’s therapy. With over two decades of experience, Anastasia has helped countless couples navigate the complexities of intimacy and communication. She holds a degree in Psychology from the University of Cambridge and has specialized training in Emotional Focused Therapy.
Anastasia’s groundbreaking methods have been featured in several leading publications, and she is a sought-after speaker at international conferences. Married with two children and a spirited golden retriever, Anastasia balances her professional success with a bustling family life in her hometown, where she continues to write, counsel, and inspire change in relationships around the globe.